Merry Freaking Christmas

This is kind of how Christmas Feels to me anymore. Like a shitty hold up. Haven't posted on here in a while, been busy to say the least. Too many things going on at once, and While I tend to do pretty well in the midst of chaos, well, it's been crazy lately. Between work, recording, getting ready for the holidays. Fuck. I haven't been on my skateboard in a solid 14 days. That's the longest I've been away from it all year. Now that winters here I know there be some weeks here and there without it, but it's been other things keeping me off it lately, the weather, though a bit cold here and there, and raining, really hasn't been too terrible yet.

           I remember being about 12, when I got my first real, brand new skateboard. Like any kid in the late 80's, I loved Powell Peralta, and my first board was a skull and sword, with ventures and two black, two pink bones wheels. Still one of my  favorite Christmas presents of all time. I have some pretty cheesy photos somewhere of me posing with it. I remember it had snowed that Christmas, and I only got to skate it out in front of the house on the 10 foot long sidewalk where my pop had cleared the snow. My friend Mike had also got a new board, he got a Powell ripper the same year. We both pined so hard to actually go skating, it sucked. I remember, about a week after Christmas it warmed up a little, like above freezing anyway, and the snow had melted away, well most of it anyway. We bundled up and hit the streets. I remember it being dark, and us being bundled up like retards. Big huge coats, gloves, sock caps, and pushing down the empty streets. They were covered in chat, and it was a little hard to push, but we went for it anyway. I had a hand me down from these guys that skated before I got that board, but I had shitty trucks and wheels, this was my first real complete. It was like a whole new world had opened up. I was cold, I could feel the wind chapping my face, and I didn't care. We dodged snow banks, pushed through the sand, and ollied icy patches that had refroze. That was probably my best Christmas ever.  I had other really great Christmas gifts through the years, my first real guitar comes to mind as a close second. But no other Christmas comes close to the joy of that one. Of being young, and having that freedom. Here's to all the kids who will push for the first time this Christmas, to all the kids who will learn to ollie, and bomb a hill for the first time in the coming weeks. The ones that get it, that fall in love with something that is both unexplainable, and represents freedom. All the kids who get to experience that feeling, with the cold wind burning their cheeks, taking that first hard spill, numb, cold, and happier than shit about it. I was always proud of my bumps, scrapes, bruises, gashes and various bloody spots that arouse from the endless hours I spent on my board. In over 20 years it's never failed to give me enjoyment. Even when I was older, and too cool for a Powell board, and pissed cause I couldn't land some stupid trick, there are few things that can really make you feel like you're 12 again. Skateboarding is still the best Christmas present ever, and it's still one of the coolest things on the face of this whole stupid planet. Merry Christmas everyone, and a special Merry Christmas to all those kids who in a few short hours will be stepping on a board for the first time.

Fucking Winter

Winter's pretty much here. It's even rained icy shit down from the heavens one day. Fucking sucks. But we had a bit of a break in the weather, around the same time I had a bit of a break with my truck brakes. When I say break, I mean they just suddenly stopped working. Like went to the floor, had to slam on my E-brake to keep from flying around a 90 degree corner at 50MPH... Good times. So instead of skating when it warmed up to 45 and was sunny, (That's good weather as far as the winters here goes) I had to spend the day getting my friend Josh to drive me around to get my paycheck, brake fluid, and to help me work on my brakes. Pretty Awesome day though. We rocked out to George Jones cause that's the only tape Josh had in his car, which only has a tape player. We aren't trying to be all cool and retro, it's called being poor and living in the country. It looked like this...



Untitled from Jason T on Vimeo.

Yeah, we're doing it 80's style out here in the Midwest yo.

Total Meltdown

Text conversation while at said party with wife...pretty much sums up the night.

So I got fucked up this past weekend. Like seriously, 3 sheets to the wind, not quite blacked out, but close enough, fucked up. I drank too much, smoked too much, and passed out before 2am. I try my damnedest not to do that. I mean, I'm almost 35, I'm way too old to burn the candle at both ends, but whatever. Sometimes you have to blow off some steam.It was an 80's themed birthday party for some lesbian friends ours, and honestly, they are fun fucking people! I don't mean cause they're gay or whatever, I mean, for a bunch of 40 year olds, well they still go off, and have some fun! At some point I remember telling some girl she looked like Lois from family guy, (this was totally meant as a compliment, though I'm not sure she took it that way) and there was this young couple there fighting that I'm pretty sure I told to just break the fuck up already. Life's too fucking short to be 19 and having fights with your girlfriend. The dude seemed over this girl anyway, and it just seems like such a waste. I've been that dude, fighting with a girl, when I'm 19, over fucking nothing. Cause you know what? In like a year or so it's not going to make any difference since chances are you're going to be broken up, and again, life's too short for that shit. 

I think I slurred something like,"dude, most girls at that age are just going to make you miserable anyway, why wait around until it get's worse? Just break up already!!"

                            It's getting to that point in the late fall, early winter, here in my area of Missouri where it rains, or it's cold. Not much more skating to get in. Supposed to be nice on Thanksgiving day, hopefully between stuffing my self and working, (In the radio business there are no holidays off!) I can get out and skate a little. Really over the cold, shitty weather. It didn't bother me so much as a kid, but my old rotten bones really can't take anything under 40 degrees anymore. When I was younger we had an indoor skatepark, and then when it closed my friend Mike and I had these two little quarter pipes in his garage that we'd skate in the winter. I miss that shit, I need a garage, or basement, or something to at least roll around a little when there's snow and ice covering everything and it's freezing cold out!

This picture looks like how winter feels, cold, white, and dead. Notice that round hump thing in the background? If you don't know that's what we call a chat dump. Basically it's what's left over after they mine lead out from underground. Which is why you don't want to drink the water, eat the fish, or consume anything grown from the ground in this place.

I leave you with this. Maybe you've seen it, maybe not.If you haven't, well, the title kind of refers to you....

ANTI HERO FUCKTARDS from Tobin Yelland on Vimeo.

4am? Fuck Yeah

I try not to post on here unless I feel like it, cause I'm pretty sure my post would be worse than they normally are. Plus I've been busy squeezing every last session in before the fucking winter gets here. Well, that, and watching it rain, the wind blow ridiculously hard, and working on my gear for an 80's themed birthday party that's going to be coming up this weekend. It's going to be dagger time for me. I know that this has been a costume for 8 million other dudes before me, but I've never actually done it, so I don't really fucking care. Besides I've had a blast hooking up my jean jacket with a dagger and flair, finding an old pair of levis, and god knows I've got plenty of old school vans to rock. Should be fun. I'm trying to get the wife to go as velvet, but we'll see how that goes. I told her I could always just call up Sherilyn Fenn as I'm sure she's not too busy, and goddamn was she fucking hot in that movie. When I saw Thrashin I was maybe 11 or so, and had just started skating. This was my ideal girlfriend at the time.

 Honestly, not much has changed. I'm into the dark haired ladies, and for some reason, I prefer the dirty looking ones. The ones who's eyes just kind of say, "I want cock!" My wife says I have some weird white trash fetish, honestly I don't know how weird it is considering I grew up in the sticks of the midwest. Plus I always kind of had this theory that white trash chicks are usually way more loyal than other broads, plus they'll have your back in a fight.
Here's my cut off jean jacket so far. It's got some rad flair on the front, including a maltese cross, a home made DK patch, and some other assorted pins and what not. I'll take plenty of photos at the party. but here's a preview of the Dagger.

The DFL, if you don't know, is "Daggers for Life" fool. I still have to score a dangly sword earring somewhere before Saturday, but it's coming together well. I don't wear earrings anymore, I haven't in years, but my holes are still open, as I sometimes put my wife's more silly earrings in for a laugh, normally after drinking heavily. I would have thought they would have closed up by now, but nope. Both lobes are still open, and it's been at least 8 years since I've had anything in them. I will admit, while I didn't have plugs or anything in them, there was a period of my life where I did piercing at a friends tattoo shop and had some rather large gauged hoops in them. I hated piercing though. It was all tongues and belly buttons all fucking day. And they both suck to do, and if you're thinking "yeah but what about all the girls nips you got to pierce, or sweet VJ's?" Well let me tell you, most of the nipples I did were dudes, and the chicks that came in to get those other areas done were not the kind of girls you would be hoping for. Trust me, maybe in some college town or near some strip clubs you might get to push surgical steel through some hottie's pussy, but around here it was usually skanky ass jugalo type bitches that hadn't showered in days and weighed...well, I don't want to make fun of people's weight, but lets just say they were less than desirable.
   On the skate front, I did see this up today. No matter what, and never mind the fact that I will never, have never, and could never come close to skating like this man, there are few others who make me want to break myself off by watching them skate like he does. ALL HAIL CARDIEL!
http://www.skatevideosonline.net/video/1374/wwjcd/john-cardiel-retrospective/
On a side note, when I woke up this morning, after working on my Dagger costume until 4am, I found this note stuck to the back of my jean jacket.(Colors?)

 

 

My wife is a funny broad.

FUCK YOU WIND

Not much to say today. Got up, had a pot of coffee, went outside where it's cold as shit and windy. Cutting through hoody windy. No skate today, basically sat here looking at skate shit all day, waiting to go into the studio tonight to try and finish up some drums and guitar for my band's EP. Hopefully get all my guitar work done tonight!! Then gotta strain my shitty voice and attempt to sing. Joy, Joy. Cleaned my house, did some dishes, and listened to Pinkerton, we're planning on using it as a reference for the drums on the EP. The drums sound badass on that album. Everything sounds badass on that album though, haven't listened to it in years, was singing "Pink Triangle" when my wife came in at the top of my lungs washing dishes. She scared the shit out of me. Did see this today, http://focusskatemag.com/2011/11/checkin-in-with-dan-drehobl/ which is cool. Drehobl is the man, fun to watch skate, and keeps the hope alive that my old ass can skate decently, on occasion, and in my head have that much style on tranny. I've been wanting to build a mini-ramp in the backyard for years now, and we finally have a privacy fence up. So for Christmas, and my birthday, (which is four days after Christmas, which means no one ever remembers your birthday, and that no one wants to go out cause they're all waiting to go out on New Years!!!) I'm asking for gift cards to Lowes. I used to just steal wood to build ramps, but now that I'm older and can actually go to jail for that shit, well I guess I'll go about it all legal and whatnot, and just purchase the wood. I'm thinking 4' with a 5' extension and 16' wide to start. We had a ramp behind my friend Mike's dad's t-shirt shop when I was 18. Thing was so much fun. It had those same dimensions. All built with stolen wood. It was right across from a police station too, I always wondered what the cops were thinking when we pulled up at 2am and started chucking 2x4's over the fence behind the store. There were a couple outside while we were unloading. They just stood there watching. Good times.

Watch the Robot take your job...

Was planning on going skating today...that didn't happen, mainly because it looked like this outside.

Then it proceeded to rain like a mother-fucker, and still has not let up. It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow...and fucking 45 degrees. What the hell? It was close to 70 today, and shitty, but it's going to be sunny and cold tomorrow?? What the fuck kind of backwards ass weather is that? To top that off, I'm now at my job, and tonight my job is to basically sit and watch the computer to make sure the automation works. Basically, for the last few years, when we run sporting events, someone must be here to run local commercials, station ID's and actually twist buttons and do things. Now they are moving to automation, which is fine, most things here at the station, as at most stations, are now automated. This is why radio jobs are hard to come by. No more real producers, engineers, etc, everything is pre-recorded and automated nowadays. The fucked up thing is a large part of the hours I work are these sporting events. So basically I'm sitting here, making sure that a computer is doing my job properly so that I no longer have a job. Pretty fucking cool, huh?

IN A WORLD WHERE.....

           You know that guy, yeah, the one that does all the cheesy movie voice-overs? They usually start, "In a world..." I wish I was that guy. I bet he makes a ton of money with that voice. My voice isn't great, but it's not bad. Thus the gig on the radio. I used to work at this call center, I got told quite often that I had a nice voice and that I should do voice over work. I even got a job offer once, until I told the lady that I was in Missouri. She was all, "uhh, Missouri? Why the fuck would you want to live there?" I honestly still don't have a good answer for that question. I mean, it's beautiful and all that. I'm only an hour away from St. Louis, which isn't my favorite city or anything, but it's got some pretty cool shit to do. I'm also within 30 minutes of tons of clean streams, hiking trails, National Forests, lakes, the Mississippi river, and it's cheap as fuck to live here. On the other hand the cultural events are lacking. We've got Country Days, (which is every bit as retarded as it sounds.) meth labs, rednecks, big trucks, republicans out the yin-yang, Christians, cowboys, fake cowboys, racists, and other assorted white trash. I know, lots of places have all those things, but in the town I grew up in this one asshole cop had a fucking confederate flag license plate on his truck. I know, maybe that's pretty commonplace in small town America, but this guy was a real prick, to the extant that he is no longer a cop due to harassing so many people. That's a whole other story. 
             Not much going on tonight. Sat at home, watched Scarface(wife had never seen it! How fucked is that? Sometimes I can't believe I married this broad...) and ate some sherbert. Like a normal old man. Every day I'm creeping closer to my 35th birthday. When I was 18 or so I had all these goals that I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 35. I've accomplished one. I guess that's better than none, but really, 1 out of 20 sucks pretty bad. That's a F if it was a test. I think even in one of those liberal pass/fail schools it'd be a fail. I've come to terms with that shit, at some point I just stopped caring, or having any sort of ambition at all, if I ever really had any to begin with. That's all I got, well that, and these shitty photos. They look terrible, but it was from a late night out in St. Louis not long ago. I kind of like the way they look.Plus a few of some spots I've been hiking in the last few weeks.

When I said late night, I fucking meant it, this was after being out at a bar in St. Louis until 1an, then to a 3am bar, then to East St. Louis until 6am, then to this dinner to eat. It was about 6:30am when I took these.

See, there's some pretty cool shit here if you don't mind hiking like 12 miles. Plus this stuffs only an hour away from St. Louis. Shit, it almost makes it ok to have to put up with all the other bullshit.

SKATE WHILE YOU CAN

Thank the skate gods, the weathers holding out, it was just about perfect skating today. I however was sucking ass, couldn't even get a decent kickflip today, balance felt all off. Oh well, had fun, basically did manuals in a parking lot for an hour. Just glad the winter isn't hitting yet, the weather in Missouri can be strange. We're far enough north that you can have a foot of snow, yet far enough south where it can be 70 degrees in January. The ice storms suck worse than anything though. Or thunder-snow, that's always fun too. Anyway, it's time for some dinner, and I've got some cheap wine chilling in the fridge. Just wanted to throw this up, been digging on this for quite some time. One thing I miss about being in a bigger city is the flatness, and skating through downtown. Traffic skateboards, (who I've totally been sleeping on until I saw their thing on the berrics, and yes, I occasionally check out the berrics, suck it!) are keeping it in the streets. Fucking Ricky Oyola is the man. This is what street skating is to me, skating through the fucking gnarly ass streets of some city, trying not to get clipped by a car, dodging crack heads, and making spots out of every crack, pothole, manhole cover, and curb cut. 

I know everyone thinks the berrics sucks, but their trajectory is usually pretty cool. This makes me want to go throw my body in front of traffic! Definitely want to support these guys, east coast style for miles, and one of the OG love parkers. 

I like vox's by the way, I know people hate on them, and I skate vans too, but vox makes a damn comfy shoe.

Happy Halloween

So it's the day after Halloween, didn't do much last night. Went to my parent's house, had a nice dinner, and hung out with them and my sister, bro-in-law, and nephew. It's all good. Need a good night out though, and now I'm off work for a few days, will be out skating later, most likely by myself, and that's ok too. I like skating by my lonesome. It's not like I'm out killing it or anything. It's just good fun, probably go to my manual pad spot. No one is ever there, it's a closed down business, and I like it that way. It's so fall out, the weather is great, except for the wind. But that's ok too. Here's some fall type artsy photos from around my house. It's all I got today.

The iphone 4s freaking rules too. If anyone didn't know that already. Can't believe this is my first iphone. I think my life is forever changed.

IT'S THE TIME OF THE SEASON FOR WINNING!!

Another nice fall day here at the station. I was supposed to be off today, but last night, in the midst of running from the studio into the newsroom to watch the world series and running back to the FM studio to broadcast it the AM station manager called to say he was sick and couldn't come in today to do a live remote. Thus, I am working for the 17th consecutive day.

My view from behind our station.

At least there's this!! Cardinals win their 11th World series title, I was born in St. Louis, still live in Missouri, and sometimes it's not the worst thing in the world. It can be nice from time to time. Like when the team you grew up loving has won the World Series 3 times in your lifetime. Pretty fucking cool, I totally lost faith in them in August, didn't think they had a chance in hell of even making the series. They fought back, kept scratching, and after being down to a final strike to loose twice in game 6, fuck, I don't know if there has ever been a more deserving team. Lance Berkman is the fucking man by the way, just saying. You can apply this kind of relentless pursuit of your goals toward anything, and sometimes, you might actually pull that shit off! Congrats to the best team in baseball!

Back in the studio

It's nice to be playing music again, with people that make it fun and aren't so serious. Serious about the music, but not thinking about becoming something other than some people who like music, like creating, and like being who they are. I never wanted to become rich and famous from doing something I loved. I've got a job, thanks. But being in the studio and hearing your creations come out as a recording is a reward in it'self. This is the best I've felt playing in a band in 15 years, every time we play it's like being 15 again and beating out Black Flag songs with my best friends for the sheer fun of it.

When I was younger...

        

Found this at a Salvation Army store in Illinois a long time ago, love me some Depeche Mode.

Back when I was younger, after I'd been skating maybe 2 years or so, I met all the friends that I would really consider true friends, even now, 20 years later. Out of all the people I went to school with, socialized with, and grew up around, most of the ones I still talk to, or at least make an effort to hang out with are those that I met through skateboarding. Not many of them still pick up a board, and like me, most of the ones that do have to find time between work, family, and all the other trappings of adulthood to go out and skate. However there are a few guys who I spent countless days and nights with, skating, trying to find new spots, or making trips to St. Louis to skate, that aren't around anymore. 

Warren

This is me and my friend Mike. We skated together everyday possible, for years. Still a homie, I can't believe I ever looked like this.

One of my bands with Warren.

Me and my friend Chris. He lives in Texas now, miss him terribly, but he has a beautiful family and we keep in touch.

 Warren and I met at my next door neighbors house. I'm not sure what he was doing there, but he had left a dubbed copy of Minor Threat's "out of step" there a few weeks earlier. My neighbor, Alex, didn't like them, so me being a little punk rock kid snatched that thing without thinking twice. A few weeks later Warren showed up wanting it back. He physically attacked me when I told him I had it. After he jumped on my back, and being about half my size, was thrown easily to the ground and told to chill the fuck out, that I'd just go next door and grab it for him. Warren calmed down, we got to talking, and realized we had shit in common. Warren was a couple of years older than me, I think I was about 13 at the time, he might have been 15. At any rate, we soon skated together, and both of us played guitar, so we started our first band together with another friend of ours named Chris. Warren later got married, had a son, got divorced, then a few years down the line Warren took his own life. He was a complicated guy, and had tried to commit suicide many times throughout our friendship. I'm mad as hell that he finally did it, but I loved him, and I miss him. When I think about him now, I like to remember all the times we went skating together, when we were kids, and our biggest problems were getting kicked out of places for skating and trying to find girlfriends. 

I was about 15 here, I loved those high top vans, still do, but I'm not so sure about that paisley shirt.

All the people in my life with the exception of a handful of friends I've met through playing music, a few other friends, and my wife, that really mean shit to me, that I'll forever carry a place for in my heart, that I'd give help to any time, for any reason, are people I've met through skating. I miss the simple days, when 5 bucks was enough to throw in on a 12 pack, and skating was the priority. I miss my friends, Warren, Joey, Adam, Heather, and even Tim. You guys still live in my head sometimes, and I hope you're in a better place. 

This is Michael, he would come down south from another shitty town about half an hour away to skate with us po-dunk fuckers every once in a while. Those dudes always blew my mind.

This is Tony, his little brother Adam never really skated, but we all loved the kid, he was at all the first shows my band put on, going off, loving that shit, and we loved him back. He was our fan, our friend, our mascot. Adam took his own life after joining the military , I think he joined to escape the shithole we lived in, and a difficult home life. Tony, last time I saw him, seemed to be doing well for himself, some people do get out of here.

This is Paul. He was one of the most fluid and natural skateboarders I've ever witnessed in real life. His theory was push fast, go faster, and then, go faster. Any time I had trouble pulling a trick, Paul's advice was always, "go faster." He always kept to himself, but somehow was nice enough to put up with my annoying 13 year old ass. Everything was a mission with Paul, late night skating, hitting the parking garages in downtown St. Louis, and how to live on the cheap. Paul taught me what it meant to be a skateboarder. I hear he still skates, but I haven't seen him in years.